Common Musical Diseases


1.Cunductus Boringus- A common condition of mainly conductors, symptoms are:

1. Abnormal yawning of the brass members

2. Conductor suffers from not being able to smile

3. Conductor develops unusual bond with the strings


2. Mad principal's disease- An unusual condition of principal players, symptoms are:

1. Face often turns bright red

2. The patient often is annoyed by the smallest things

3. Dents start to appear in colleagues horns

4. Develops strong friendship with conductor


3. Brassus to-muchosis loudosis- A common condition of conductors that are only fit to conduct chamber orchestras, symptoms are:

1. Patient often yells at brass section

2. A slightly isolated variety of music is chosen, Mahler and Strauss are kept from the orchestra's repertoire.

3. Brass players start to read books


4. Boringus Rehearsosis- A very common disease of orchestra members who are simply bored, symptoms include:

1. Unusual laughter of orchestra members

2. Conductor develops red, swollen forehead

3. Orchestra members suffer from hallucinations, for example, the conductor turns into a 300-page novel, the tuba bell turns into a basketball hoop, and the brass section turns into a bunch of comedians.


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